Personal

I’m going to talk about Love.

Which is something both very personal to me and something I joke about often. It is not uncommon for me to claim that I’m forever meant to be with that guy sitting across the Starbucks that looked at me that one time. It’s also something that I struggle to get the words out about. Normally they go hidden on my tumblr where not many eyes will discover them. Here are three types of love that may just be relevant to your life (and maybe mine). I’ll begin:

1. The love that hurts. I think, for the most part, we may all feel this at one point. It can be the love where you just for some reason fight all the time. It can be the love where you feel you put in more than they do. It can be the one that makes you learn to question all these things about you that you never once questioned before. It all sounds so heart-wrenching, but it’s also the love that makes you feel so God damn alive, too. Special, at times. Strong. Even beautiful. Because how can someone that looks like that be interested in someone like me?

Boy, if I could go back and slap myself now. I’d give myself the reality slap that I needed: how could he not be interested in you? (Because that’s the way you should view yourself, come on now). Anyway, the kind of love wherd you learn a lot: about love, about relationships, about what you want in relationships, but most importantly, about what you don’t want. Still, even a couple years later it might still sting a little. To that I have to say, keep living. You can’t dwell on it (maybe they did really feel the same and maybe they didn’t know how to feel that way at the time), you can only grow from it. Don’t be afraid to love again.

2. The love that makes up for every previous love; the love that is momentarily unreal; the love that hurts in its own way, too.

You have the love that books, movies, real life experiences tell us about. The ones where it just works. Sure you may argue a little, you may disagree from time to time, but it just works. You’re happy. You’re strong- you let yourself love and you allowed someone to love you! All I can say really about this is that it works. You do the things you really enjoy doing, together (hello, movie watching and goat cheese pizza), you become a little family while away from your actual one (medicine and Kellogs cereal, please), you may even think this is it. 

And you know, it may be. Hold onto that. And it may not be, you’ll be okay, too. This kind of love can hurt badly, too.The world may not want you to be together. The stars may not align. It might just not work enough. I don’t know. But after, if it doesn’t work out, you will still feel the wonders of what you were so lucky to experience. You may know what I mean; you may be reflecting on them now. Remind yourself of how strong you are. Keep moving forward if you think you need to. Don’t be afraid to love again.

3. The love that has not happened yet. The love you know exists. Even, the love that hurts in the most beautiful way. This is mainly the reason I joke about that loving that guy that I was sitting next to at Wells Fargo today with the most remarkable face (I’m sure he was a nice person, too). I am so God damn hopeful. Sometimes I think it’s silly. But then I think, there is no reason why I should be afraid or embarassed to care for someone. I would rather wear every emotion on my sleeve than not be able to feel anything at all. But the point is, you may be hesitant to just care about someone in that way again, but I’m here to say that you are already so brave so take the chance. And keep taking chances. The love that has not happened yet is going to be more than worth it. Just hold on to that hope and don’t be afraid to love again. Besides, having a crush on someone is just so much fun. Even when you’re as big of a goober as I am/was today in front of them.

So, that’s basically all I have to say. And of course, none of this is based off of real world experiences. Stay strong and stay brave, my friends.

X Mary Anna

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